Spotlight a Child of Divorce Custody

I am a child of divorce. I know there are some parents out there considering separation or ending their marriage who are worried about how their children might take it, wondering if their kids will be shattered and broken from their split, now having to constantly move back and forth between households. But I think divorce was the best thing for my two parents, two individuals who are so incredibly different in personality that I don't know how they ever got together in the first place. Having two households was the best thing for our family, and I don't wish it was any other way.

I have never known my parents as a couple. They divorced when I was two, but were together 10 years prior to their separation. I have always had two of everything- two Christmases, two birthday parties, two beds, and two sets of Barbies. Growing up, I thought this was pretty cool- who doesn't want twice the gifts and celebrations? My parents did a good job making sure things were even- though we lived with my mom, they worked out a custody schedule where my siblings and I saw my dad very often. I remember it being hard to leave each parent when the custody switched, but my parents were mindful of that, and acknowledged our feelings of missing the other. They were always supportive of open communication, of encouraging me and my siblings to call the other parent to say hi or just to hear his/her voice, and growing up I never heard either parent speak ill of the other. Though they weren't together, it was apparent that they supported each other as co-parent, despite what they might have thought about each other behind closed doors.

Now as an adult, I would say that the hardest aspect of having divorced parents is still being able to split my time between them. Custody being a mandate of the past, my siblings and I make our own decisions of who-sees-who when. My parents have "sucked it up", so to speak, and have learned how to get along with each other, spending time together for bigger family events like graduation ceremonies and engagement parties and weddings. Though they prefer not to be together at events, they have always put us first, knowing that it's hard to have two of everything all the time. Though they live separate lives, they have their children in common, and neither parent wants to miss out on anything with their kids. Sure, we still do have some separate holidays, birthday parties, and outings, but figuring out a way to find some common ground was the best decision they made for our family.